Submit Woman. Please

Ephesians 5:21-22

I googled the phrase “submit woman” and it pulled up all kinds of articles on domestic violence. It is funny to me that this word connotes those kind of images. Can you see why this subject is difficult when those views and definitions are on the mind. I am quite sure domestic violence is not what the Bible endorses in these verses on submission.

KEEP IT FLOWING - Paul is talking about being filled with with the Spirit. What he is about to say must be viewed in that context. 

QUESTION: Why do you think the subject of being filled with the Spirit came before the instructions on marriage, parenting, and work? Simple: can’t do it right unless you are under the Spirit’s control. Not going to happen. That’s why Spirit filled comes first. If you are not under the Spirit’s control, you will do what you do for you - selfish.

OK, we have finally gotten to the subject of submission. Such a scary word for some. Such a fun word for others. This is for sure, nothing could be more opposed to the philosophy of the world. Society says to stand up for your rights. And everyone has their rights these days, even our pets. I spoke with a guy today who said he was not putting up a Christmas because he had cats. I said “so what.” He said they climb in it and have it everywhere. I said, “ use the cats as ornaments and tie them to the tree.” OK, not really, but I thought it. If you think your rights have been violated then get an attorney. Then the Bible comes along and talks about submitting to each other. Hang on!

MUTUAL SUBMISSION - Verse 21 - This is the verse we always skip in this discussion. The same God who inspired verse 22 also inspired verse 21. Submit yourselves to each other. That’s what God says. There is a sense in which we lay aside our rights and humbly serve one another in love. 

This is for everyone. Jesus was in authority over His disciples, but He laid aside His rights and washed their feet. Phil 2:3 describes submitting to each other as self sacrifice. It is the willingness to put the other person’s needs and desires above your own wants. This will never happen if we are in the flesh and not walking under the control of the Spirit.

DIFFERENT ROLES - Verse 22 - OK, let’s step in lightly. Verse 21 does not do away with verse 22. The home is made up of equal people with different roles (Galatians 3:28). Why different roles. Two heads make a freak. The home cannot have two heads. Every area of society must have leadership if there is to be effectiveness and cohesiveness. Without leadership there is a home filled with confusion. God’s design is for the husband to give loving and sacrificial leadership to his wife and children, not authoritarian dominance.

Here is my experience, most women would love to follow the leadership of a husband who has her best interest in mind; a man who sacrifices for her and overwhelms her with love. He willingly gives his life for her. That’s what this passage is talking about. Not a man who has his feet up in the recliner with his empty coffee cup in the air. That may be a stupid man’s ideal, but not God’s.

Why does God’s design often falter? Is it because the woman can’t get it right? Is she always trying to rule her man and push him around? No! It’s the opposite. This passage about submission falls apart mostly because men are not godly leaders rather than wives refusing to follow. I do not know that I have ever spoken to a woman who did not want her man to get off his lazy butt and do something. She would melt if he took her by the hand and prayed for her and the family. She would fall over dead if he relieved her from bill paying or kid watching or whatever. What if his actions were selfless and with her best interest and sacrificial? Do you think she would have any trouble loving that? Probably not.

Notice she loving follows her husbands leadership, but no where does this say she is to follow other men. There used to be this feeling that women were to be subject to all men. Wrong! The Bible does not say that. She has a man in her life and that’s her husband. They are equal partners with different roles. 

OK wives, you do not have to submit to a husband who dishonors God and wants to lead you in that direction. There is an overriding command for all of us to honor God before men. In the Old Testament the king came to his wife Vashti and told her to dance a sexual dance for the drunk men. She rightly refused. She was not obligated to submit to that idiot.

Also, this does not mean a wife is to lose herself or personality or characteristics that make her unique. Be you, that’s how God put you together. How boring if a man and a woman were just alike. Who’d want to live with someone just like himself or her self? No thanks.

Submission does not mean a wife is a slave. Neither does sacrificial leadership make a husband a slave. And wife, you have just as much, and my opinion more influence than he does. He has his role and you have yours - both equally important, just different.

God institutes authority for 4 reasons:

One, to accomplish His purposes.

Two, to bless and protect those under authority.

Three, to develop godly character in those who submit.

Four, to help us receive wisdom for life’s decisions.

God has ordained authority in 6 areas:

One, submission to God.

Two, submission to government leaders.

Three, submission to church leaders.

Four, submission of wives to husbands and children to parents.

Five, submission of workers to employers.

Six, there is mutual submission to each other.

How do you know you are really submitting to God-ordained authority? Because you can do it joyfully. Grudging submission is not really submission.